::Reflection-My father, myself... I think it was Fr Richard Rohr who said that before the age of thirty, a person spends their life dealing with the pain inflicted upon them by others. After the age of thirty, what has not been transformed then becomes the pain that you inflict upon others.

In the last two months, I have had two young people under the age of thirty have quite significant reactions to me. The reactions were rooted in the resemblance that I have (real or perceived) to their own fathers. In both cases, it was the negative elements of their fathers that I was mirroring to them.

My thoughts are not so much about those two people and their issues. It would not actually be appropriate to share those issues either. What I have been thinking allot about and wanted to reflect upon are two things in particular.

The first thing that I have been thinking allot about is the incredible influence our relationships with our fathers influence and map upon our understanding and experience of God. I am well aquainted with many of the theories and the like, however, seeing the phenomenons power as it plays out in the lives of so many people around me continues to astound me again and again. It has such profound influence and completley overrides any rational or objective capacity a person conjured up in order to resist.

I have sat with one person in particular and when we attempted to engage in a medatative approach to scriptures regarding a loving God, there was an immediate and significant emotional reaction. The brick wall is of course that persons relationship to their father.

What also was quite astounding was to see the two approaches to prayer and scripture in this persons life. The individual in question is someone who has tried to memorise scripture for a large part of their adult life. They probably know more scriptures than I do, and seem able to quote one for just about any occassion. When we discussed their view of God, it was very biblical, very correct, theologically sound.

It started to come undone when I questioned why they continued to struggle with responding in specific situations out of their intellectual understanding of who God is. Intrigued, we continued the conversation and found ourselves having a talk about the meditative approach to scripture again. We cracked open the bible, found one that related to a fathers love for his children, and literally, within seconds, the person was reacting and was eventually moved to a place of tears. They described feelings of being frightened and challenged, and then reverted to their traditional form of scripture engagement, due to the fact that they felt far more in control of the process.

I thought allot about how their concept of God was well differentiated in their minds from their experience of their human father, but once we moved beyond the conceptual, into the realm of their actual experience, it was staggering to see the difference. As far as their emotional experience of God the father, it was almost imposible for them to separate that from their experience of their human father.

I find that I am still considering and reflecting upon the significance of this event.

The second part of my meanderings is as both father and son. I am a dad to Harry and Noah, and often pause to think about how my actions as their dad will effect their understanding and experience of God the father. I often pray that they will be gracious with their fragile, broken dad.

Which led me to consider my own father. Charlie came to this nation as a 13 year old boy, as an economic refugee in the 1960's. He arrived with his two older brothers, a suitcase, and a very shaky command of the English language. The brothers ekked out an existence in what was effectivley an incredibly alien world from the one they had grown up in. I have since discovered the violence of his own upbringing. His problematic start to life, and then having to start all over again in a new country, his finding a partner in my mother and then his attempts to raise a family without so little guidance are feats that I am finding new levels of appreciation for, each time I think about my own fathering, and the way in which my view of God is shaped by this remarkable man.

I find that as I get older, and as I come to terms with my limitations as a dad, the grace that grows in my heart for this remarkable man is a process that is changing my view of God. Yes my view of God had been shaped in a negative way, by my fathers failings. Yet, as I come to appreciate what he tried to do, with the little resources he had at his disposal, I find that my view of both my dad, and my father in heaven are being expanded in ways I didn't think possible, and at this point, with degrees of significance I don't quite understand just right now.

I love my dad. In times past, I vowed I would never do or become some of the parts of him that inflict pain upon those around him. However, as the strange grace effect continues it's work upon my life, I find I want very much to emulate the good and wonderful parts of my father, and in doing so, I am learning about a wonderful God who is becoming awesome to me in ways I could not anticipate.

Labels: Formation, Parenthood, Psychology, Refugees, Theology

  Posted by Stephen @ 2:46 PM   0 comments